Testimony of an Oak Tree

Eighteen, nineteen, twenty.
That makes it 200 cedis.

I said to myself, as I counted the 10 cedi notes I held.
After weeks of saving, I get to buy those
brand new sneakers.
I smile as I quickly finish my kenkey smoothie, with a dash of peanuts.
The thought of going for the health walk
in my new footwear,
made me a happy hulk, beyond control.
It will be my vehicle, when irene and I take a stroll.
Its been months since I heard from her.
I can’t wait to give her gifted hugs from uncle bear.
I thought my avoidance of her will make my emotions hit the low.
Funny enough I just saw it grow.
Ready to set off, I step out of my home.
I should have taken a jacket.
I suddenly felt the cold, but felt lazy to go back to my humble abode.
Lo and behold, I see Irene coming towards my house.
She gets close,
and I see a tear rolling down,
finally settling on her blouse.

“Irene, what’s wrong”?


Nothing
.


“Trust me, why are you crying”


My phone was taken by thugs.


“What” “How dare they”
“When did this happen”
“Where”
“Talk to me, you know I care”.


It was taken under the oak tree in prime avenue.


“Wait for me, I will be back”

I quickly give 1000 push ups in a second,
Ignore the zeros.
I set off on my journey to retrieve the phone.
I unbutton my shirt as I get close to prime avenue.
Finally, I arrive at the oak tree.
Panting like I have been running a million miles in my underwear.
Out of the shadows,
came a beast in human form.
The message on his face,
far from “bien venue”, very unpleasant.
Irene did not tell me it was the Thug in Chief,
She only said thugs.

Hey! What do you want here?
You are really daring


“Oh sir please I was erhhhh…”,
“I was passing and…”
“I tried to erhhhh…”

Eih! What am I saying?

Are you joking with me?


“No, my friend said you took her phone,
and I came to beg”.


How much will you pay?

His voice, ringing in my head.

“Please, fff fff four cedis”.


Are you joking with me?
Empty your pockets. 

I painfully take the 200 for my nike sneakers,
before my premolars are knocked in the air, like Mike
He takes the money, and glares at me, saying it’s not enough.

I will come for more later, you can have the phone.


“Thank you sir, chairman, mantse, boss, fresh boy sir”.

I added with restrain, looking at the oxymoron in between his eyes and lips,that pretty ugly nose,
before he could blink, I quickly ran, after he handed the phone.
I returned to see Irene waiting.

Kube, what happened?

“Don’t worry, I have your phone.”
“He tried to misbehave, but I disciplined him”.
“He won’t worry you again”.


Thank you so much Kube.

“You are wel… “

before I could end, she just hugged me.

“Yessssssss”!

The next morning,
I woke up to irene at my door holding a basket.

Kube, I brought you breakfast,
your favourite, chilli laced millet porridge with fried mashed cowpea doughnuts. 

“Eih what is that? Oh okay hausa kooko and koose”.

“Irene you shouldn’t have…” 

A boy suddenly appears.

Kube, the man under the oak tree says bring his money.

Irene looked confused, I remained calm.

“Go and tell him to be careful,
or else he will see a repeat of history”.

I added a wink hoping the boy will notice, I did not mean those words.
This rascal of a boy, showed a clean pair of heels and left.

Kube you are so brave, I will come for the basket later.


“Sure”

An amazing way to start my day, just as I am about to start my meal, I hear a knock.

Ah! Who wants to interrupt my festive mood? 

I dashed to the door with boiling rage.

The face I saw as I opened the door, quickly made me sober.

What did you tell the boy to tell me?


“Oh please I said, I said,
I said he should call you for breakfast”.


Where is it?

With the speed of light, I fetched the basket for him.
He grabbed me by my shirt, I could  smell the alcohol all over.

I will come for my money tomorrow
.

“Yes please”

I hit my back against the door as he left.
Oh Lord, how will I get the basket for irene?
Eih! Kube Kubenito Kubenson,
when will I get things right?

*sighs*

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